Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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