wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
