You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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