I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you never un-have a 4some
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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