Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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