Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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