are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
