The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
