WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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