Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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