Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
