I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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