dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
