I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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