My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
