Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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