Don't make out with my wife yet
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
