some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
