He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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