I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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