i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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