just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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