Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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