3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
