I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
