best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
