I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
