I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
