well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
