last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As shirtless as possible
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize