I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
