i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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