another moral hangover. fuck.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
