I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
