New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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