I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize