After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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