Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
