dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
