We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
