i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
