I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
