So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
