38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
