I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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