This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
