susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
