Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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