Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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