Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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