Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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