the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
only if we run a train.
done.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
