too bad you live with your parents still
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
