im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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