remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
