Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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