some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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