3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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