so explain again why im purple
no
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
