they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
