i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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