If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
