I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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