Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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