I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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