I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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