Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
