Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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