Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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