our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
