No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
