me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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