part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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