is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's just like the Real World with babies
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
