you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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