I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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