When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize